I don’t know if I am just afraid of the word depression, if I’m scared of the stigma that comes attached to the word depression or scared of the unknown. Truth be told- it’s probably a bit of all three. It’s been a couple weeks now since I have seen my doctor and started a medication for anxiety & depression. I almost didn’t make it to my appointment that day… I was just so over just having to talk about my feelings. But I am glad I went. I am currently on the lowest dose of my medication- some days I think it’s working… others I still just feel… blah. Like I am just going about my life day to day… just… there. But it’s still new to me… and I am learning. Although the medication alone and figuring out what works and what doesn’t will still be a long process, I know I am on the right path to getting better and coming out of my so called “funk.”
The remember a few weeks ago when I picked up my prescription… I was on the phone with a friend chatting vaguely about what was going on. I told him I was depressed and his whole demeanor changed… but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Turns out- he had been suffering from the same mental illness and talked to me about his ways of trying to combat it everyday and his lifestyle changes he has made. I was so scared I would be judged but I was so supported right off the hop I think that it’s why I have felt so open with many people in my life within these last few weeks. I don’t feel scared or ashamed, I am not proud by any means but… it’s an amazing feeling knowing that I do not need to hide my feelings anymore. I know I probably never had to in the beginning but I felt like I needed to always make everyone feel special and make everyone happy… but now its my chance to be happy.
I am so thankful to every single person in my life at this moment whether they know about what I am going through or not for just being in my life. They have all shaped the person I am today and helped make me that much more of a stronger person. Sharing my feelings has not always been easy but again… I know I am on the right path to somewhere great and I cannot wait to see what these next years have ahead of me. Obstacles and all, I am proud to be where I am today.