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I am not usually one to have regrets. I have this whole.. whatever happens, happens type of attitude. Yesterday was a day I regret.
I regret letting someone else make me feel like my decisions over my life were wrong. I regret having the feeling of letting someone bully me so much that I felt like I had to prove myself to someone I barely know and whom obviously does not know me, or care about me. I regret feeling weak and so utterly helpless that I just want to break down. How could I have let someone so forcefully just tear down all the progress I have been making these last few weeks? How did this happen? Isn’t anyone listening to me?
I am astonished, dumbfounded, sad, angry, and hopeless that this will just never end. I am mad at myself and at this other person/ persons. Why am I not allowed to just do things the way I want and need to in order to make myself happy? Why must I be the one that needs to be bullied into having to explain my mental illness and my entire life to someone that honestly does not care?
And when I am done explaining and defending the choices I have made, proving my point, literally just breaking down every reason I have ever done anything in my life… to be responded with “okay, relax cat, we are you’re friends and we are just letting you know what people are saying.” To which I ask this girl… and those who are apparently my friends saying things behind my back : Who exactly are my friends in this situation? Certainly not those that are accusing me of being this horrible person when they have NO contact with me, nor know what is going on with me.
Being forced, bullied, and backed into a corner having to defend my depression and my life was honestly the worst thing I have ever had to do. To that girl & her ‘friends’: No WE will never be friends. I do not take bullying lightly. I will not be bullied any longer. I will not relax after having to defend the choices I make for myself.
I am an almost 25 year old woman, living with depression and anxiety trying to figure out just where I belong in this world. I will try to help others, and listen when needed- once I feel better. For now, I am working on myself, trying to figure out what is going to happen next.