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My grandfather,

My dearest grandfather. I still wish there was time left for you and I. There was so much more I wanted to learn, to listen to and do with you. I wish we could have visited more. There is so much more that I wish could have been done. You were my constant reminder on what the important things were in life. Every time I saw you and we spoke… or you spoke and I listened, I was constantly reminded that life happens.

I remember “helping” to build your house. The day you taught me the proper way to use a hammer actually… and I swear I almost broke my finger a million times. But you were there to help me along the way. I wish we could have spent more time there. The memories I have from that property will last a life time. You may not have known it but it gave me an even better appreciation for mother nature and it’s offerings. Everything was always all right.  You also taught me how much I love electricity during the night… boy was that place always cold at night as the fire burnt out. I loved it. I love you. and I miss you every single day.

I have a box of your things in my closet. Everyday it is a constant reminder of the last day we talked. God I miss that day. I miss it so much. I’ll never forget lying on your couch listening to you talk, as we watched golf on tv and listened to music. It’s been a while now, but I still remember it like it was yesterday. I was just listening to you, I couldn’t get enough of your words. We chatted about uncle mike. About your trip to the East Coast. A castle came on the tv… one that you had gone to with Mike and wanted to go back to again… you wanted to go on another road trip and I wanted to join you.  I still want to take that road trip…. I want to honour the both of you. Because I miss you both so terribly much it hurts.

As I was on that couch I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted to keep spending time with you and how I wanted to do it more often. I just loved listening to your stories that you loved talking about so much. I wanted to learn all that needed to be learnt.

I won’t get that chance.

One day, I hope to have enough strength to go through that box in my closet. One day. Soon I hope. I tell myself every day that I will… and slowly the day passes… and I think of you. I think of everything. But most of all- I think of you and how much I wish you were still here.

It will never be the same.

Your muttley misses you terribly gramps.