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I don’t even know how to put this into words… about my feelings now. How are you supposed to feel when the one you once dated tried to kill themselves?

Thats what I am dealing with. I havent really slept for the past few days because every time I close my eyes I imagine a train rushing by… just the noise.

I was on the phone with my ex when he was talking about jumping in front of the train that was about to pass by him, blaring its horn. He yelled “I love you”, the train blaring its horn… and then the phone went all fuzzy… and then it hung up. I will never ever ever forget that. I was in my friends car, on the way to the police station, I couldnt stop screaming, shaking and crying… The worst feeling in the world.

The phone rang- it was him.

A sense of relief came to me but… I was pissed.

I hope it doesn’t haunt me forever… but for now.