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It’s 4am… I’m lying in bed looking through my window, through the tiny slit at the bottom where my blinds just ever so slightly don’t cover out at the one lonely lamp post that’s about to shut off for the day. And I haven’t even gone to bed from yesterday’s activities. Why? Well I’m stuck in my own mind as per the usual.

I was doing really great for a while, and matter of fact I would still like to think that I am. To be honest nothing’s changed, I’ve just became a happier, busy person. But… This past week, okay well I guess something changed. I guess it kind of makes sense.


See, my boyfriend lives in Alberta, and I live in Ontario. So we’re in the middle of a long distance relationship and it’s going amazing. The one catch though now is I’m done school, like fully graduated, with a degree… And now I’m looking for a job. Preferably I would love for it to be near my boyfriend.. But I would hate to move there just for him. Is that selfish of me? I mean it would benefit both of us… Anyways. Whatever. This past week I have been unable to have an actual sleep schedule… Working funky hours, which left me with three entire days off (not in a row… But it kind of felt like it was).

I’ve been staying up until 3 or 4 am every night, getting up at 11 and going to work from 12-9, daily. So I’m oversleeping throughout the week, and then on my days off I’m sleeping. I LOVE SLEEP.


Back on on track here.


Ive been job hunting BIG TIME in Albera, like I went full throttle on my resume, and drafted entirely new cover letters for every job I applied for. I put a lot of time and effort into it and well… I get excited that there’s a possibility of finally maybe being able to see my boyfriend more than like… Once every few months. So I told him, and well… Turns out the oil fields are in an economic downturn and there isn’t much work as there used to be or something so he is really up in the air with work.

So now I’m stuck.. What do I do? I keep telling myself that I am going to continue applying and handing out resumes all over the place, wherever I see fit and if something comes of it- I’ll be taking a step forward in my career. As for where that puts my boyfriend I’m unsure. We’re going to be together 100% but… We might not get to be TOGETHER for a while.

So thats what’s keeping me up. I have plans. I want to be happy, and see the one I love every single day and get married and have babies and live on a farm with all the puppies and kittens in the world. But.. I just keep wondering on how long it will be until I finally get that. 😒