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So it’s been a while since I took my last anti depressant and I’m not sure how to feel. I’ve been finding it hard to distinguish between when I should actually be sad and when I’m just over thinking things causing anxiety. 

I am an over thinker 100%. I will constantly think from the moment I wake up to when I can finally shut my brain off enough to fall asleep. I sleep on average of 5 hours per night, sometimes more, sometimes less. I remember things from 2 hours to even 5,10, 20 years ago even and I can replay scenarios in my head, trying to think of different ways each scenario could have/ should have ended, and where I might be now if I had gone down a different “road.” 

To be honest, I can’t be 100% sure if I over thought this much on the anti depressants, but I’m sure I did. But, I’m going through something where I don’t feel valued, and I feel like I’m coming up second best in my relationship with my boyfriend. It’s odd because he comes to town and then because he’s from here, he has all of his friends and family just taking up more and more of his time… And I feel like I’m just the after thought at the end of the day or whenever he has time … Then we hang out. 

If I voice my opinion then I’m told he has friends he wants to see etc etc… So I can’t tell him to not see his friends but… I’m trying to build a relationship and a life with this man, but I can’t do that.   All of his friends in relationships get to see their significant others every single day. I don’t. If he’s in town for two weeks, I’ll see him for MAYBE four of those days. And when I’m with him he’s still constantly in contact with his friends… 

Anyways, it leads to this over thinking that am I good enough? [erased everything after this]

This is so stupid. 

Do I actually need to get on my hands and knees and actually beg for attention?