I just want to cry. I want to physically throw this computer across the room and scream at the top of my lungs.
I cant help but think that I’m in a relationship with just a figment of a man that exists in my phone because really what else is there?
So I put on a playlist of sad music and cry some more.
I wish I could tell the future and what it has in store for me.. to see if I am making the right choices in life or what? Am I just going through the motions of life for someone else or is there really something that’s going to come from this.
I just want to hide away in a corner somewhere and just be alone from everything.
It’s an odd feeling to be in a relationship with someone you love and want to be with, but not to actually feel loved and wanted. And I feel so guilty about it because I just want to be normal. I feel like Im in a relationship with my phone whether hes here or hes not.
Its such a hard thing to describe, the feeling of not being important even after they tell you that you are. That I have no reason to be angry or upset because they have it worse. That’s how it feels. So I try not to bring it up.
Im selfish for wanting to see the person Im in a relationship with, for wanting more, anything that just shows that Im important because I dont feel like it. If it bugs me that he lives with someone else, its my problem because well “who her? you’ve met her!”. If it bugs me that i dont see him enough “well youre working, do you expect me to jus sit at home alone all day? I havent even seen my family so why are you complaining”.
I just… I just want something more. I used to be able to gush about how much I loved him and now, now I just sit silently because I have nothing to offer. He wants a relationship with his friends and his life more than anything at this point.